Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Eight reasons never to hire a Unicorn

If you work in the Digital Advertising industry you most likely have come across the term 'Unicorn'. If you don't or haven't, here is a short background.

Unicorns are mythical creatures which have a large, spirally, pointy horn mounted to their forehead. Popular culture - predominantly little girls and pagans - have long since had a fascination with these creatures who are purported to have special healing powers and are symbols of grace and beauty.

Legend also suggests that only virgins can catch unicorns which, in this age of sin, perhaps explains why sightings are very scarce.

In short, Unicorns are rare, special creatures that are difficult to catch.

Drawing back to the Digital Advertising Industry which sometimes thrives on mythology, legend and magic, the notion of 'Unicorn' has been adopted into its lingo as a rare and special person who simply must be snared and put immediately to work dreaming up the next wearable tech idea to promote mouthwash and, in the process, make the world a better place.

Having worked in this industry a good while (i'm still here and enjoy it, despite sounding a bit jaded and long in the tooth... horn?) I have heard the term Unicorn bandied about like a next gen Nike Fuel Band dangling on the wrist of someone who has rediscovered fitness with all the zeal of a reborn Christian.

When I first heard the term, I thought it cute. Very soon it became annoying and began to get under my skin. Now the term violates everything I believe - or don't believe - in.

To vent these frustrations, I give you Tech Rash's eight reasons never to hire a Unicorn.

  1. Unicorns simply do not exist. Search the job boards and you definitely won't find any for hire.
  2. If Unicorns did exist, they would offer no value to the digital media industry as they don't know HTML, Photoshop or SEO.
  3. Going on about finding the next Unicorn makes the existing mortals burdened with legs, hands and a hornless head feel inferior.
  4. Unicorns have no opposable thumbs which make working a mouse or touch screen device somewhat difficult.
  5. If you love Unicorns you are most likely a Pagan or a Little Girl. Either way, you have no place in the world if digital advertising.
  6. A horse is very similar to a Unicorn. Would you hire a horse?
  7. If you are going to hire a rare, mythical creature why not a Phoenix? After each project which caught on fire it would rise again.
  8. You could hire a talented, hard working individual who worked as a team with the other talented hard working individuals instead?

There you have it. A strong case against chasing the non existent while ignoring the mortals who can be snared through a job interview rather than a virgin.

Next on impossible roles to fill : five reasons never to hire a Innovation Architect.


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